Perhaps the reason why I am constantly drawn to inperfect and flawed individuals is because I am clinging to the slight hope that somewhere in the world one person will be drawn to the imperfect and flawed me.
The truth which I dare not face…
…is that you guys hurt me really, really bad,
And that despite of appearances that everything is fine and dandy (even to myself),
My subconscious has never really gotten over what you have done,
And the fact that you’ve not shown any remorse just drives the edge deeper,
Into a scar which may never, ever heal.
Stolen
Unsure if it’s you I miss
or your promises,
Unsure if it’s you I love
or the love for what you gave.
things that still make my cry with laughter for 400, alex
yup still owns
Fact
1. People change.
2. The person you adored and loved from the past may not be the same person today.
3. Trying to adore and love someone who is a complete stranger to you is tiring and draining.
Just needed to rant. Maybe I’m just severely depressed.
It is done
Goodbye, Ah Ma.
Who knew?
So it turns out that I’m not really dead inside. That’s reassuring.
I guess I just don’t like seeing other people grief.
What can I do with my obsession?
With the things I can not see
It’s a madness in my being
It’s the wind that blows the tree
Sometimes Your further than the moon
Sometimes You’re closer than my skin
You surround me like a winter fall
You come and burn me with a kissAnd my heart burns for You
And my heart burns for You
Am I the Only One?
Am I the only person that thinks that the act of packing things up and leaving all the memories and relationships you’ve built over the past 7 years of your life requires more deliberation than ‘it’s good for your future’ and ‘it’s good money’?
What good is a future with no past?
What good is money with no life?
In a Happy Place
So the past few days have been a blur of fun. Food, drinks, swimming pools and all sorts of other unspeakable acts. It’s wasn’t just a Bachelor Party. It was THE Bachelor Party. Fuck Yeah!
More importantly, it was a good chance to catch up with old friends. See what new things are making them happy, what new things are making them sad. Get a new perspective on life and the choices we make. A bit of inspirational fuel to keep us all going.
In my drunken emo stupor, I almost decided to utter those few life-changing words (so close) but somehow didn’t get to. I got distracted and the limelight got stolen…
But in hindsight, I was glad I didn’t do it (that, plus a few other insane things I would have gladly done). Because otherwise we wouldn’t have had that nice drive back. We would have lost the chance to catch up and have a nice chat.
Things seem to have settled down between us and I guess, all things considered, is really the best I could have ever hoped for. No need for a explicit showing of closeness or any of that BFF bullshit we see everywhere. Just a calm understanding of things as they were before and as they are now.
But perhaps that was all just in my mind. Or perhaps there was never anything wrong with us in the first place. Perhaps you were still high from last night. Or perhaps you were just being mature about it and tried to not bring up old wounds.
Whatever the reason, I’m glad we had that drive back together. It may have been a quick drive but in that moment, I found peace in the fact that we are okay, and the strength to face the world, a happier man.
