Hello Destrudo

Because

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 02:12:34 +0800

I screwed up.

I’m screwed up.

aikenchia: mattspaul: With a chair hahahaahhahahahaha

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 23:49:41 +0800

aikenchia:

mattspaul:

With a chair

hahahaahhahahahaha

I’m facing another ghost from my past, with a Very nervous heart. After all I’ve went...

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:57:09 +0800

I’m facing another ghost from my past, with a
Very nervous heart.
After all I’ve went through previously, losing you is
Not something I’m prepared for.

5everpandering: So, starting off my trend of posting secret...

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 22:05:04 +0800

5everpandering:

So, starting off my trend of posting secret underground shit that nobody has ever heard me do, I did a song for Arin early last year because god damn it I love that Egoraptor.

The funny thing is, it still holds up. Might not be the best song, especially vocally, but certainly kicks off the HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS OH MY GOD THANK YOU BASED PANDERING trend.

ARE YOU READY TO HAVE YOUR MIND FUCKING BLOWN?

babylonian: giantbaby: sbr enbe sbeve S BREN BE S BEVE

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 23:08:13 +0800

babylonian:

giantbaby:

sbr enbe sbeve

S BREN BE S BEVE

Perhaps the reason why I am constantly drawn to inperfect and flawed individuals is because I am...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 20:05:37 +0800

Perhaps the reason why I am constantly drawn to inperfect and flawed individuals is because I am clinging to the slight hope that somewhere in the world one person will be drawn to the imperfect and flawed me.

The truth which I dare not face...

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:40:18 +0800

…is that you guys hurt me really, really bad,
And that despite of appearances that everything is fine and dandy (even to myself),
My subconscious has never really gotten over what you have done,
And the fact that you’ve not shown any remorse just drives the edge deeper,
Into a scar which may never, ever heal.

Stolen

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 16:46:05 +0800

Unsure if it’s you I miss
or your promises,

Unsure if it’s you I love
or the love for what you gave.

babylonian: otomemachine: things that still make my cry with...

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 22:48:19 +0800

babylonian:

otomemachine:

things that still make my cry with laughter for 400, alex

yup still owns

Fact

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 10:32:44 +0800

1. People change.
2. The person you adored and loved from the past may not be the same person today.
3. Trying to adore and love someone who is a complete stranger to you is tiring and draining.

Just needed to rant. Maybe I’m just severely depressed.

It is done

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 16:19:36 +0800

Goodbye, Ah Ma.

Who knew?

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 08:54:54 +0800

So it turns out that I’m not really dead inside. That’s reassuring.

I guess I just don’t like seeing other people grief.

aikenchia: What can I do with my obsession?With the things I...

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 00:09:13 +0800

aikenchia:

What can I do with my obsession?
With the things I can not see
It’s a madness in my being
It’s the wind that blows the tree
Sometimes Your further than the moon
Sometimes You’re closer than my skin
You surround me like a winter fall
You come and burn me with a kiss

And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns for You

Am I the Only One?

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 10:10:00 +0800

Am I the only person that thinks that the act of packing things up and leaving all the memories and relationships you’ve built over the past 7 years of your life requires more deliberation than ‘it’s good for your future’ and ‘it’s good money’?

What good is a future with no past?

What good is money with no life?

In a Happy Place

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 10:06:06 +0800

So the past few days have been a blur of fun. Food, drinks, swimming pools and all sorts of other unspeakable acts. It’s wasn’t just a Bachelor Party. It was THE Bachelor Party. Fuck Yeah!

More importantly, it was a good chance to catch up with old friends. See what new things are making them happy, what new things are making them sad. Get a new perspective on life and the choices we make. A bit of inspirational fuel to keep us all going.

In my drunken emo stupor, I almost decided to utter those few life-changing words (so close) but somehow didn’t get to. I got distracted and the limelight got stolen…

But in hindsight, I was glad I didn’t do it (that, plus a few other insane things I would have gladly done). Because otherwise we wouldn’t have had that nice drive back. We would have lost the chance to catch up and have a nice chat.

Things seem to have settled down between us and I guess, all things considered, is really the best I could have ever hoped for. No need for a explicit showing of closeness or any of that BFF bullshit we see everywhere. Just a calm understanding of things as they were before and as they are now.

But perhaps that was all just in my mind. Or perhaps there was never anything wrong with us in the first place. Perhaps you were still high from last night. Or perhaps you were just being mature about it and tried to not bring up old wounds.

Whatever the reason, I’m glad we had that drive back together. It may have been a quick drive but in that moment, I found peace in the fact that we are okay, and the strength to face the world, a happier man.

Counterexample

Sat, 15 Oct 2011 12:08:36 +0800

Just saw with my own eyes what happens when you burn all your bridges but are still left depending on other people.

Not a pretty sight.

I mean, by all means, burn all you want.

Just make sure you are able to survive alone.

Dick.

Definitely

Sat, 08 Oct 2011 09:30:45 +0800

I shall call this year the Great Regression:

Regression to old Habits.
Readmission to old Beliefs.
Return to old Friends.
Rekindling of old Flames.

And while I initially looked at it in an entirely negative manner (the Purpose of Life should be Progress, not Regress!), I realized now that it is not simply an act of me retracting back into my former self and self-destructing (again), but more of revisiting old ghosts with a new perspective from life and dealing with them appropriately.

Salvaging what I can,
Making peace with what I cannot.

You can only move forward once you stop looking back.

Photo

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 00:02:00 +0800

I think I know the Answer...

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 15:24:59 +0800

…but I’m just not willing to face it.

Life has been great but there is just this constant undertone of melancholy and unrest. I’m pretty sure if I sat down and analyzed every detail I can find out the answer (hint: we’ve been thru this before) which is why I can’t really be bothered.

I am grateful for many great things that happened (great new place, great new project, great holiday, great promotion), but for some reason my stupid little brain fixates and dwells on small(?) little issues and it just keeps me kinda down and moody and emo.

I guess the point here is that I am sort of alive and things are sort of going well. Not perfect, but nothing ever is.

nevver: Chart Porn

Wed, 27 Jul 2011 19:24:06 +0800

nevver:

Chart Porn